Been some time since I felt so low and enjoyed it so much...somehow I have the sam eold sad and tingly feeling coming back inside me that I had about 4 years back...and I have to say..I missed it!!
Somewhere I thought I can win ove rit all..Somewhere I had started to believe that life will get better and there will be no more pain in my life I look in the other direction...and that everything's going to be alright!!
Guess what...it hasn't and as I fight my own addictions this old song has opened up some old wounds again..
"Trying to figure out this life..."
Sigh......I don't think I can ever do that...and you know what...I got the saddest thought last night.. So sad that I suddenly wanted a smoke.... The same old dream that I had given up 4 years ago so that I could sleep in peace...the same old thought that I had buried somewhere deep under the debris of my plans....that "there is someone somewhere..." and "all will be ok"...
I dont want to believe it..I know where this will take me...and I am sure I will end up being even more miserable than I am now...but it is pulling me deeper into it with every passing day and I can't resist it...
I feel to weak.....and my pillars of strength have gone now....
I will fall this time....FINALLY!!??
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