I always had this niggling doubt that I had ESP and can maybe see bad things before they happen and it is scaringly true...
I had this feeling some days back that something will come that will shake my belief in God and then I will have to make a choice.....
And here it is...it happened....
And I chose :o)
I choose to keep the faith :o)
Maybe it just got stronger :o)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Woke up Lonely...AGAIN!!!
And then I woke up again in the morning and felt lonely...AGAIN!! And considering that I was at a frndz place...it makes things sadder...well but then that is how it has always been....and I want to go back to my apartment...nOW!!!!!!!
I want my solitude..I want my balcony....I know I am being childish...but I guess I am like that most of the time.....I want to just lie down on my bed and look up at the ceiling....thinking nothing... just blank.....I want to hold on to my pillow :o(
Last few months have really worsened...things were anyway not good...and had been progressively deteriorating from 2009 Jan....and then it starts getting worse...and I dont knw where it will bottom out...I just want to be ..... maybe Happy is asking for too much..... just be me...
All that I hv wanted in my personal life all along...I have realized over the years is asking for too much...esp from anyone else...and I try to be there for myself and just hug myself when things go wrong.....but that still doesn't take away the need for someone else to come and do that...but then that is life I guess!!!
The situation is altogether very scary in my head right now....and I think every night and day that this is it...it has bottomed out..but everyday I get surprised even more.....it just keeps getting worse....and the fact that I hv to stay at my frnds place for one more day...atleast..isnt making it any better!!
I am unable to work in office and it is just killing me......I have no escape right now....and I feel I am just howling and shrieking down the corridors in my head...and there is no one who seems to hear me.....no one who can see me!!
I want my solitude..I want my balcony....I know I am being childish...but I guess I am like that most of the time.....I want to just lie down on my bed and look up at the ceiling....thinking nothing... just blank.....I want to hold on to my pillow :o(
Last few months have really worsened...things were anyway not good...and had been progressively deteriorating from 2009 Jan....and then it starts getting worse...and I dont knw where it will bottom out...I just want to be ..... maybe Happy is asking for too much..... just be me...
All that I hv wanted in my personal life all along...I have realized over the years is asking for too much...esp from anyone else...and I try to be there for myself and just hug myself when things go wrong.....but that still doesn't take away the need for someone else to come and do that...but then that is life I guess!!!
The situation is altogether very scary in my head right now....and I think every night and day that this is it...it has bottomed out..but everyday I get surprised even more.....it just keeps getting worse....and the fact that I hv to stay at my frnds place for one more day...atleast..isnt making it any better!!
I am unable to work in office and it is just killing me......I have no escape right now....and I feel I am just howling and shrieking down the corridors in my head...and there is no one who seems to hear me.....no one who can see me!!
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