Sleepless in Bengaluru ;o)

And I dont know if the reason for being Sleepless is the same :o(
Just that I dont know what is going on in my head..seriously no idea....I just draw a blank when I try and think what is the reason for my insomnia....There just doesn't seem to be one and at the same time there seem to be so many of them all at once.... It is damn confusing for me currently..
To add to this..I am still going to the gym every morning and it makes me even more tired as I am not getting proper sleep at the same time.... Have tried everything...even beer last night.. Nothing seems to work...and I am irritated to the point of crying at my helplessness but all my eyes can feel right now is sleep...
I dont know if it has ever happened to me before and I am just over -reacting or if this is the first time...I guess it has happened before and I ALWAYS over-react!!!
Currently all I am asking for is that I be allowed to sleep well..after all that is my only last escape from everything.....(and to think that some people think that I drink for that...duh!!)
And I dont even know what triggered all this..as far as I remember I was sleeping pretty fine till Saturday night and then suddenly...just lik eout of the blue...on Sunday night I find out I cant sleep!!
Thought that it might be coz I slept well in the day so it is a temporary thing but last night really took the cake....I went to bed at 9 with traces of blood in my alcohol stream.....and guess what? Ok dont...it is easy..I couldnt sleep till 2...or atleast that was the the last time I checked my cell for time... Did everything...took every advice (and my roomie does have loads of them for everything) but still it just didnt come....
If it was a problem or feeling I could put a finger on then I would have resolved it...thought over it..come to a conclusion..no matter how difficult the choice had been and then SLEPT!! But what does one do when he doesn't know the REASON for it all??
The good point was that I was up to wish my bro on his BDay at midnite....and the sad part is that my body is aching as I ended up doing weights today in the gym :o( and am damn tired and sleepy.... My feet feel like they would give way at times and my eyes are closing but I still can't get any sleep...
The worst part of it is that as a result I dont know what I am doing and am checking every second if I am doing the right thing or am just sleep walking? And to top it all I dont know if I am talking /writing sense or just blabbering illogical banter?
Don't know and am just hoping for a good Sleep tonight .. Please God....!!

Aaah Diwali :o)

Somehow Diwali is closer to my heart than Holi or any other festival...dunno hy...maybe th light all around banishing darkness...maybe the sight of a single diya standing tall amidst all the darkness and still holding everyone's attention and looking pretty...Funny it just brought about a corrolary that even I was unprepared for...and that my dear friend doesn't happen very often ;o)

Well,,no point in keeping it inside and I guess that is whole point of this private place/blog of mine... It brought to my mind what a woman in a man's life should be....stand there...tall...keep him from going towards the darkness of despair .... and all she can do is just be there when he needs her the most...

Needless to say I guss not going home this Diwali was a good decision in the end...why? Coz I needed to see the pain that I was avoiding by drowning myself in all the stupid alochol... The pain of not having a woman in the house who can do all the decoration and nice little things .. and I do know it will be a pain considering all the drapes to be changed and what not..so what do i do? I single handedly change everything in the house .... and it made me feel good.. but at the same time it made me miss being near someone I could look at dressed up all pretty for the occasion and then get tired and sleep at night wondering what I had done right in my life to deserve her to be by my side.... :o) maybe I would see such a day or maybe I won't.. maybe I need to take the plunge anyway.....

After all I can't just run away to Mommy and Daddy on every occasion and feel complete... I dont know if this is a pasing phase but seeing all the marred people working together to get their house look beautiful was heartening and saddening in the same breath..... Sad coz I am still waiting for God knows who..and who as I have increasingly started to beleive might not come to me at all in the way I think she should....
The biggest fear I have of an arranged marriage is the same...what if I am wrong? But then I guess...what if I am right? OhGod..i am so gong to kick myself if I am right... for losing out on all the years I could have spent with her...

Anyway..away from my personal angst..which never ends anyway.... ;o)

Back to Diwali.... :o) So it came and it went and I felt sad for not being able to celebrate it... Maybe it is about time that I realized that no one is concerned how or what I do ..and I need to find my own zone of happiness.. find my own place in the sun... stop hiding in the shade and hoping that someone will come over and pull me out to play and make me laugh and be happy...

I guss the biggest problem wih me is that i end up sacrifing too much for people who dont even understand me and all they care is how much I should understand them and who really do not deserve the kind of importance I give them.. All some people care is whether I am at their beck and call and never really tried to prod why I am so sad and so angry at times.....

Life is such a bitch at times....and I guess so are people..... I mean i an understand people being assholes in office to me...but why in my personal space where I am the softest.. maybe coz it is so easy to hurt me that makes people go after me.... What is hidden from them is that I get hurt very easily and way too much......and it taks time for me to heal myself....a lot of time.. i am not a bloody fucking pendulum that keeps on coming back.... maybe one day i wont come back.... But by the time I come to a decision of not coming back to the ean position i am already too bruised and hurt.... And I keep wondering why I keep doing this to myself.... maybe coz I smwhr blv that things will get worse before they get better..only now I am gtting to realize that maybe somethings just keep on getting worse and are not meant to be good and that the good part was an aberration......

I guess I should stop now else I will keep crying and won't end up writing anything about Diwali :o)

Dont know where it goes :o)

And I am still wondering why I ever stopped listening to music in office? Ahhh... the fun and my own personal world where I could walk alone without worrying about anything or anyone...sigh.... I guess it was a bad decision after all.. :o)
So weekend was good to some extent but then came Manu and her fiance...and then it really fucked up my mind..big time..here was this girl who can make any guy happy and be his ideal wife and friend and what does she do? She starts to spoil it all...in any way she can and at the same time not having the guts to do it completely...aaarrrggghhhh...
Maybe that's a part of life? That you will have everything that is needed but even then you end up not using it ..but on the contrary you end up being careless about it to the extent that you spoil it... reminds me of "don't go chasing waterfalls" by TLC :o)

or like always..I might be completely wrong (!!??)..coz inside I realize I am the one confused :o)
Seriously..I don't know what's the problem with me and why can't I see the world in B&W and have to always see it in multiple shades and myriad of shapes... till the time that it freaks me out and I end up hiding under someone ... till I don't get kicked out :o))

So what else is on my mind? The fact that I am lonely at times and the feeling has just been growing over the past month or so and if I am unable to keep it in then it would mean another sad episode in my life..another incident that will start (although I am totally at a loss as to with whom..) and then end up being an unfortunate accident... Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself ?? As in...it is heights of stupidity and I should just let go of all this feeling of "wanting to be needed" and whatever crap my head throws in these times.....

I guess we have to let go of things that hurt us even though they may be very beautiful... I guess letting go is something I need to practise all over again :o) Not that I am as bad as I was about 4 years ago but I nee dto let go of everything and not just everyone.... Hmmm.. But then again I wonder..IS IT TIME???

Oh yess..Time for meeting :o)

Stupid fucking office and what not.....till next time..

Adios..

Always....and Forever..

Confused i.e... I am always confused about things that matter the most in my life esp in matters of the heart... I have never ever..actually..never ever felt so damn sure about anyone that made me feel that this is what you have been waiting for all your life.... this is IT!
Now a simple clarification...to myself mostly....the above doesn't mean I have NEVER felt like that for anyone..but that for a feeling which could lead to a complete change in my life and my goals...shouldn't I ALWAYS be with that feeling?
Currently the problem is that such a feeling comes and then with the same silent swiftness goes away too and I am left wondering as to what led me to feel like that in the first place...
Isn't it weird .....actually I am very strange.. and funnily even though I have been trying for so many years..I will still remain like this... Don't know why ... That is the least of my worries anyway ;o)
maybe that feeling is never meant to come my way and I should just listen to my head and go rather than wait for my heart to feel that way..EVER....
Sad state of affairs but then ..
C'est La Vie!!

Where am I?

I guess with each passing year I am going farther from where I started..I just keep drifting away...and the bloody stupid part is that I dont know if I am drifting towards the shore or away from it? All that I know it is easier to wade with the current now but more difficult to find my bearings.....sigh...don't knw why or what is happeningor why it had to happen...
Just that "It's a part of growing up" doesn't seem like a strong enough argument anymore....
Wonder what else is left for me to see and what else I will have to go through to get through with this life and finally reach the end....And am already regretting saying that ..coz I have this feeling that the worse might just be lurking round the next corner....
Know what...realized that you have to options in this stream of life..either you keep to yourself and then the whole world leaves you there...or you forget your inner self and get on like everyone else...more worldly and more materialistic......Is it a battle you can't win either way or is it that only I lost......
I keep getting better at work and keep getting worse as a human being....where does it end?
How did I get here?
Most imprtantly...where am I? and where am I going from here?

past tense....present imperfect...future...who knows?

Am back on this after months /years..... Just that I pushed myself so deep in this cave of worldliness that I forgot I was a visitor...and actually became a squatter :o)) And looks like I don't remember the way out anymore...at least I hope so....
Just looking at my blogs from the past ...and I realized how much I have changed.....how well i fit into things nowadays! I feel I have disguised myself so well that even I don't recognize myself...and that I acted so well that the act has become my life and everything that was real has just faded away in memory......the past has gone away and the fog of time has swept away everything I used to recognize myself with......all that is left is a haze that makes it impossible to see anything when I turn back......I don't know if the road left behind still has the stones I cried on when I was hurt or the pebbles that people threw at me or the rocks I fell on? All I have to tell me that the past wasn't a dream are the bruises on my body.....Maybe I just don't want to test how well they have healed...maybe I am afraid that some of them haven't...maybe I will never be able to find out...maybe that is how things ought to be......
Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror and see the wrinkles of time on my face.....hear myself talking in the head and realize how much has time warped my thought process.... What is it that got me here?? I certainly know i wanted to get away from my past but I most certainly did not board a one way train to the place I am in now...... I feel I am getting weaker....maybe getting stupider......and becoming more sensitive....I get the feeling that i dont have the will to fight left anymore.....I would rather leave the field than stand up for the things I believe in.... maybe I know that I will lose like I always did earlier.... Maybe I needed to fit in...maybe I cudnt swim against the current any longer.....maybe I took the easier way out...may the 'easier' way was the ONLY way to SURVIVE.........!!??
inspite of all that I realized today that somethings deep inside havent changed...neither has my first reaction to them.........
It is so funny when you just think of how you would react to certain situations some years back and how you look at situations now.......even if you change your eyes the vistas still seem to be the same..it is only when you change your thoughts that things seem different....... maybe therein lies the answer...... the core remains the same and cannot change...the peripherals have been refurbished beyond any meaningful recognition.....and it is only when I encounter ecstasy or pain that I realize the subtle difference in myself...
Well...back to reality....coz the 'act' is the real world now..... keep dancing like a clown coz only then can you survive :o)

It's been a while...

Ya...been some time since I wandered on this territory..somehow too caught up in my worldly mess...hehehe....SOmehow I have to be in a mess..wordly or out of it...thaz life I guess...
But then I cant complain that life hasnt been good to me..(and been bad too)..and that things have gone mostly my way or I have taken another path....and I just keep walking...
Heard this beautiful story today from a friend...here it goes....

A man was crossing a road at nite and he sees a drunk coming behind him...he is sure that the drunk will definitely ask him for money for his beer....but then he continues to cross the road..soon enuff the drunk catches up with him...and says.."can you lend me 1 dollar?" The guy astonished..asks.."why only 1 dollar?" the drunk says "I Need just one dollar" The guy again asks.." what good will one dollar do to you..you cannot change your life with it.." the drunk insists that 1 dollar is all he wants.....the guy takes out his purse...and brings out two thick wads of notes in front of the drunk and changes hands and takes out one dollar and gives to the drunk....the drunk is looking at this surprised..the man replies"life gives you only as much as you demand"

Wow...great story...then that means that maybe I have been too demanding on life...or wotever....Life has it's ups and downs and we all learn from it.....and am learning from my mistakes.....

The problem is that I keep making new mistakes everytime ;o)

Another why?

U seem to be on the top of things...ppl kind of like u and those who dont dont matter....u seem to be everyone's favorite (almost everyone)....and u feel at present u can do anything superhumanly possible.....in short..u r on the TOP OF THE WORLD....then..

U wake up one morning...and realize how lonely u r ....how alone and sad u r inside...and that the "kid' u thot u had killed after one of ur life's biggest sacrifices is still there....and nothing can kill him... and the pain and the loneliness that has always been there..will linger on....will never fade away.. will just hide in one corner of ur heart ...so that u cant see it or choose to ignore it.... Everything is the same.....

U r the same F%$ked up *&h*&e as u were..albeit lonelier....and the worst is yet to come....

U dont want to be NOT ALONE...as in u like being sad..u like it wen ur heart cringes..u love it wen u r almost in tears........u just crave for the feeling of self pity.....

Ahhhh..self pity.....how funny...u hate ppl pitying u and u love self pity??? Amazingly funny and sarcastic ......

Anyway..besides the point.....sometime I wonder if the world itself is not worth it...dunno... wen I answer that question only one of 2 outcomes will happen...anyway..till then I keep postponing the resolution.....

Dunno why I am in THAT mood again..after so many months....(improvement altho..coz it used to happen in hrs earlier..) but even then..!??

Guess I knw the answer......and was foolish enuff to tell someone....was a stupid dream....wotever....

I feel like a complete idiot......and dunno wot to do wid myself?? As in I guess any more self mutilation of my inner sould will cause everything to crumble and fall in pcs......

SO lezz admit it....

TODAY as on 8th Mar 2007, 2130 hrs Malaysian Standard Time... Anuj Saxena is feeling like a complete fool and wants to go back to the pain and happiness he had abt 2 yrs ago and before..altho he had no money then.....but then money is smthg I can lose to get all that back....

Dunno...feel like bloody crying ..but I knw like always the tears won't come....they will just hide in my eyes...and will stay there till tey dont go away.....

For once..i want to cry...cry for a day or two...been 15yrs probably since I cried in front of anyone..including mom....now I want to cry ...cry on someone's shoulders... for no reason...or for the pathetic person I have left myself to be.... the dead man I have become....nothing inside... smile outside.....

Forget it....2mrw will be a new day.....hopefully... :o)

Why ??

Just listening to this song by Scorpions...

We all live under the same sun..
We all work under the same moon
Then why...

If everything is the same then why do I feel that everything has changed?? WHy have I changed from the person I was....why am I the way I am now.......why are people different?? Why has everything changed??

So much has happened that I never blogged abt or told anything...small things ..big things....all shaping the way I like/dislike things.....small things that just got stuck in some crevice of my brain..and they linger on...and they dont hurt or soothe..juts stay there.....

Like wen I was in KL airport..I saw the coldest blue eyes....so cold that I cant even explain in a 1000 words...the coldest eyes in one of the most beautiful women arnd........and it just tsuck and even now wen I close my eyes I can see them...right in front of me as they were there......sending a shiver down my spine which is a mixture of fear and awe.....

Like this guy I met on my first flight to KL.....a south indian guy whose ancestors had settled in Malaysia ....this guy was from ISCKON....and over the next 4-5 hrs I had an amazing flight... some ppl are so beautiful inside that u end up talking to them for the whole nite and then u feel fresh for the next whole day...(yup didnt sleep for 2 days after that....was ina v gud mood..)

Like this lady next to me wen I was coming to KL the next time from Delhi....and was just looking at her in the boarding lounge...this lady was wearing a simple salwar and was carrying it like most Indians cannot..and she ended up sitting next to me....and I asked her..how long she had been in India..she smiled..and said.."20 years"...wot ensued was totally inexplicable..I opened up my heart like I had never done to anyone ever before...ended up telling her all my life's problems and my past...and for everything she had a sweet answer..and I still remember them wen I am down......She lives in India and visits Australia once in 5 years...
Wot she told me that nite....made me think....and made me happy as to how simple things were..and I was just unnecessarily complicating them....( didnt take her contact as I didnt want to run to her everytime I had a problem...)

Then everyday I see 2 beautiful kids of the lady from the grocery store across my apartment... they play and keep smiling..and I just wish they stay that way forever....

Then something bad happened last week..went to a disc cum nite club and it came out to be an ultra swanky and posh girl selling joint.....and I just felt damn uncomfortable there....but ppl arnd me were all over the babes.....I just cudnt...cudnt get myself to even talk to them..... and now someone says we will go to a lap dancing joint...all i could do was smile feebly.....

SO many things that I feel lazy just to pen it all down and am afraid that words will not do justice to all that has happened....and my experiences there......

Just that I want to go back to Pune for somedays...not bcoz of frnds alone..but coz I go back to the same places which somewhere hold a special place in my heart..some remind me of the gud times..some of the bad times..some of both....and I suddenly feel all the feelings I felt wen I was there...it is as if suddenly 2 ends of a conductor join and I feel electricity pass thru me.....
I still miss the missing of my heartbeat wen I saw that special some1..and of the times spent together..and where she said what...and where it finally ended....and the times spent with my friends after that..the places we drank...just so that I cud stop thinking abt her.....of the movies we saw just so that I cud run away from my office problems....of the evenings over a coffee that made me feel rejuvenated.....of the rain that hit me like a cold spear on my chest and of the rain that made me feel sad..of the rain that made me happy..of the flooding ....of sitting in Barista just watchjing the rain pour outside..watching people go abt doing their things.....of everything...

Tried to get the same feeling in Hyderabad but was unsuccessful and Malaysia is a far cry from all that..so just want to go to Pune....

It just makes me feel the same complicated self that I was earlier.....rather than the in ur face snobbbish a&*h*&* that I am now.......

Smwhr between coping wid not being able to make it thru CAT and changing jobs and city ..I changed so much that even I sometimes dont recognize myself......

Guess I am Dead nowadays...eh......

Dante's Inferno test...Iknew it somehow ;o)

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Simpsons Personality Test :o)

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Back??

I am again getting the same feeling...the feeling that I need to run away from all the ppl.....
Just not get back to them.....just be away for sometime....
But unlike the last time...this time I feel likekeeping this feeling to myslef and not publicizing it ..like iI did last time...lezzc...
Guess it was a gud thing to not to tell ppl yet that I am back......coz I dont know wen I ever will be..and for how long.......
Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me.. i am such a psycho.. but then I guess it's ok.. :o)

November Rain

Listening to November Rain again.... and it kind of feels funny....dunno why...
I remember the same song used to make me feel so much pain and so much ecstasy at the same time that I used to listen to it for hours at a stretch...but now....it feels so empty....dunno why..
Is it coz I am finally free..?? free of all my emotional baggage..or is it something more that I just don't understand???
Or is it coz the part of my soul that had feelings has died?? and I am a living corpse???
Dunno wot is wot....all is way too confusing and somehow I dont want to spend too much time trying to find an answer to this....am afraid that I willend up in the same visious circle I sacrificed so much to get out of......
Just want to live each day as it is just that.....don't want too much excitement or too much of sorrow..just simple day.....
At times that is what i need..and that is what i have....but guess can never be happy in what I get... :o)

Is this Heaven...

Guess am back in my own personal Heaven...after so many months of being on earth and struggling to get out of hell.....
So wots my personal piece of heaven like??
Well..a sexy song...on full blast on my earphones...sexy weather outside ( read rainy ) ..and that's all i need...
I feel as if I am flying...if I just close my eyes..I wud be flying in nothingnes...no walls no sun..just emptiness...where I can open my wings and fly.....and just listen to the sound of music.......
That's my Personal heaven..... :o)
Have been listening to too many songs lately and watching too many movies.....and I realize that this is what gives me peace......it gives me a peace of mind like no other.......I can forget everything for those few hrs/mins and that is all i want in life......
Some songs give u a different feeling altogether...like Kandisa..the one I am hearing now....
I feel as if I am just floating on the waves....as they come and go..and th sea is endless and I am floating with no fear..coz I have nowhere to go....just float is my aim......and I do just that.....
Have had so many interesting incidents over the past month or so..that I need to blog them here..but willdo wen I get a net connection next month....yup..
Till then.....will hold my peace :o)

Hmmm...

Had thought that I will never post anything remotely sad on this blog..all that crap goes into my earlier blog..but now I don't feel like opening my last blog as i am afraid i might get sucked into the same whirlpool I sacrificed so much to get out of.....so here it is...

Just got back from malaysia and am tired..sitting in office..doing some crappy stuff....office work is good but at present feeling tired.....feel like talking to someone .. need a break... need to be with some people I have hurt so much....actually...there lies the root of all my miseries....

Guess there are some actions in life...that makes you hate urself for the rest of ur life..but u can't undo it..and moreso u don't even want to try cause it might re-open the old wounds....and it might get worse....but then somewhere I will always be guilty of certain thinsg I did...and I hope people undertsand that it wasn't meant to hurt them but probably at that point of time...it was meant to hurt myself....but like always ..I am very sure noone will get my twisted mentality... probably coz i don't want people to figure me out......

maybe I am just afraid that it will bring out all the muck buried deep inside.....maybe I have just this proximity problem..as in..U GET TOO CLOSE TO ME..I WILL CUT U OFF.... which is strange.....tried to get out of it...but it has become more of a reflex ....can't help i t.... although I do try to....... but if i could have..I might have been married by now...LOL.....

Have tried everything n the past 4 months to completely change myslef..changd companies..went as far as possible from the ppl I was closest.....but somehow new bonds kept on getting created whenever I broke an old one...at the end I gave up.....stopped breaking all bonds and started mending the ones that were..but I guess there is one special bond..which was so pure and dear to me..that i brke it in the worst possible way.....and NOW...don't have guts to mend it for teh above..I guess it is better that i leave things as they are...after all I have to live with it.... if the other person is getting on with life then I shudn't disturb STATUS QUO...

moreover..what i m most afraid of..I might go back to my old ways and again break it later...and it might be in a worse way...like I have always known.....TH EONLY THING IN THIS WORLD..I FEAR...IS MYSELF...... ( well GOD is not in this world..right :o)... he is out of this world )

So i try to work harder...for longer hours...trying to throw out my past...trying to change myself completely so that even I don't recognize myself.....dunno how far i will be successful..but am trying....
it's like..the Matrix Quote...

"Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead … only try to realize the truth."
"What truth?"
"There is no spoon."
"There is no spoon?"
"Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."

But what do i do in malaysia when i have free time?? I can't help thinking abt my past....dunno why...!!??

BTW was funny that th first thot that came to my mind as teh plane took off from hyd to Chennai ( where I had to catch the flight to KL ) was...

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we … we are the cure."

Was funny..but it came just lik that when i saw all th houses below.....and all i cud do is laugh inside....

I know I am PSYCHO..so skip re-affirming that...

It's a new day :o)

And isn't it beautiful :o)
Life can be as beautiful or as ugly as u like it to be.....but then what we don't realize that it is a very simple equation if we know what variables to solve first and what next and what last....
We keep on complicating the entire web of events till we don't get caught in it...and then we make another web to escape from this one...
Anyway......so life is simple and let's try to keep it that way.....
One thing i have noticed....wen i was in pune and was all sad and philosophical ..I had a very gud sense of humor as in...could crack PJs at any time and they qwere really bad...heheheee
but now...in Hyderabad....I haven't cracked even a dozen in the last 4 months or so....and it is a point of concern for me...altho I choose to let it be...caancerns ho ya naakcerns ho...who cares...got too much work to do :o)
And here I am going back to pune coz Poras is on his way back to J&K..so lezzc...will party v hard 2mrw....
Rest....let it rest.. :o)

Canteetrix

Hmmm...something really funny happened whn I went to eat food at the office canteen....and it was a v funny co-incidence..so here goes...

Went to eat food..picked up the plate and went on to pik the cutlery when..

ME: There is no Spoon...(realizing what I had just said...and just that it was from the Matrix....)
ME : heheheee....... Dejavu ( LOL....was v funny..another thing from the Matrix......when Neo sees two similar Cats passing thru......)

Was actually v funny to me...so I thot i shud log it here...

Besides..nothing much......going to Pune this weekend...have some work...will be back on tuesday...sigh.....

MATRIX QUOTES

Some of my fav dialogues from MATRIX -

Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about I give you the finger … and you give me my phone call?"

"Why do my eyes hurt?"
"You've never used them before."

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. I'm going to show them a world without rules or controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."

"I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing … why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know, because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did."

"You have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be."

"Neo … nobody has ever done this before.""I know. That's why it's going to work."

"The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to."

"You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth."

"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."

"I didn't say that it would be easy, Neo. I just said that it would be the truth."

"Don't think you are. Know you are."

"Do you believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? Do you think that's air you're breathing now?"

"Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!"

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand that most of these people are not ready to be unplugged, and many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. Were you listening to me, Neo, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?"
"I was—"
"Look again."

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we … we are the cure."

"It means buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, 'cause Kansas is going bye-bye."

"I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss."

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."

"What's really going to bake your noodle later on is: Would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?"

"Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead … only try to realize the truth."
"What truth?"
"There is no spoon."
"There is no spoon?"
"Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."

Thots...

Some random thots that I have heard over the past few days or have been thinking abt..just thot that I shud log them here..errr..blog them here :o)

1) Was listening to November Rain after a looong time yesterday..and this song is like the best that cud have ever been composed..well opinions differ but then who cares??
It was funny how my perception and imagination has changed...I remember telling a friend earlier that wenever I heard the song it just felt like that some1 was driving a knife in my heart and with each summit reached by the guitar I felt that the knife has been driven deeper...and that it hurts so much....
now wen I heard it yesterday..the only pic that came to my mind was of the eagle I watch outside my office wen I go out to smoke....and it seemed so right that with each peak reached it looked like the Eagle was soaring..towards the sun....with a new gust of energy rising ... felt great :0)

2) Someone told me yesterday and I thot that it deserves a blog....

THE BIGGER THE QUESTIONS THE SMALLER AND EASIER THE ANSWERS.....

Hmmm...nice thot and I guess in a way it is right...but neway..nice thot :o)

3) Work is hectic nowadays..but I guess I am loving it :o)

Burpity Burp.... :o)

hehehee..just had loads of food...as in fed myself to the hilt..err....throat....Well for 1 the fud wasn't that gud but wot the heck....I felt like feeding myself..so I did... :o)
BTW my funny side is up again... :o)
But havent yet come up wid some real gud PJ...that wud get ppl to pull their hair out...so no ref here :o)
Also..wots the bst part of Feb?? U get paid for 30 days while u work for 28 only ..so that means today is PAY DAY....PAY DAY...yippppeeeeee....
Hehehee..does that mean another huge Cornetto?? or a Sundae on a tuesday??? Lemme think..so many choices so li'l time....whew...how very difficult.... :o( sigh.....